shhhh....!

pssst!

Don't say a freaking word... my neighbour is currently out the front of my house trimming back the bits of the wattle that hang in front of the driveway.

shhhhh..

While clearly this is an indication that the poor dude has FAR too much time and energy on his hands (and I would argue, energy best used for crochet) I dare not go out there in case he gets embarrassed and stops. Boo Radley style. Particularly if Boo Radley has a penchant for pruning other people's bushes. Erm. And not in the way that your mind jumped to (though it occurs to me that it was this false-assumption that formed part of the premise for the novel... but nevermind).

Anyway.

I am busy making baby blankets for the new baby-additions to my group of friends. Unfortunately (somewhat) this requires commitment, and in some capacity, planning, as I am to get these finished prior to the kid's 18th birthday.

So one of the blankets I am making in a disgusting, fuzzy soft baby yarn. I don't mean disgusting as in it is vomit coloured, or some such, just that I am a great devotee of the good ol' 8ply, and fuzzy, boucle, bubbly, furry, feathery and otherwise fancy yarns irritate me a little.
So while this blanket looks very sweet and soft, and feels lovely to crochet with, I am not entirely satisfied with it, in as much that I feel like it is not something I would actually make, had the yarn not been $1 a ball at kmart. Which, as it happens, also makes me sound like a complete tight arse.

Meh.

He just raked the dead leaves up. Not just from the front, but the side as well.

Subsequently, this is the most relevant picture I could find:

from epic wtfs...which is how I'm feeling

Thanks, neighbour!

cuuuute

Kip and Lil after a walk

  

Kip decided to take herself for a walk this morning. In to a neighbouring yard, and then shed. Fortunately, we were walking on a nearby oval at the time, so it wasn't the immediate neighbours (though she has walked herself over there previously).

Still. She's a funny dog.

Hence the need for a cute photo.

And another. As a matter of fact, Kip is modelling a Norwegian Forest Hat, as crocheted for a friend's Norwegian Forest Cat. Needless to say, Kip is such an awesome, hardcore dog that she immediately made the hat look like a pimp hat. But that's probably got a lot to do with the fact that she is a pimp dawg.

The pattern is from a hilarious blog called Spindles and Spices where the blogger heartily endorses knitted furmiliation of her pets. Which I think is only  reasonable, considering the amount of piss, shit and barking I have to deal with.

Did I mention I'm completely uncoordinated?

Because I am.

I fell off my bike yesterday while trying to explain to N that he needed to adjust the seat lower. I'm not accustomed to riding a 'girl's bike' (you know, with the funny frame that is supposed to be easier to get on and off of) so I have a tendency to swing my leg over the back over the bike...which is problematic when your feet don't quite reach the ground.
So I stacked it while trying to ride barefoot on the gravel driveway. I imagine it was hilarious to watch, but being the bad sport that I am, I went inside to go and wash the dirt and rocks out of my leg before going and doing something decidedly less dangerous, such as crochet.

However, I had also cut my thumb open (quite severely) with a very-sharp-knife, so there was some serious self-pity happening, as well as doubts about my ability to crochet without, I don't know, stabbing myself in the jejunum and then vomiting all over the bed or something.

Indeed, my inability to walk like a normal human being has left my dog trying to distance himself from me (if you could read his doggy thoughts, it would have been something along the lines of, "I'm not with her. I just happened to stop and stand here. With a lead. Yeah. Just walking. Alone."

Awesome.
Thanks dog.

In any event, today was relatively injury free.
Relatively.

I was in the mid-aisle daze I customarily find myself in when visiting the supermarket, trying desperately to ignore the Tom Jones playing over the speakers. It wasn't classy Tom Jones per 'what's new pussycat', but rather, croony, irritating, shut-the-fuck-up-before-I-forcibly-insert-this-toothbrush-in-my-eardrums Tom Jones. Followed by Tom Jones singing the theme from Thunderballs (the James Bond film)  which I have since learned was not a mondegreen, but indeed, the actual factual lyrics to the song, and the title of a Bond film.

Clearly, the term 'thunderballs' meant something different then, to what it does now.

Because in my brain, I envisioned something akin to Sean Connery in Zardoz:



linkie, again

More so than Sean Connery in the actual thunderballs movie:

linkies to picture


And look, he even has one of those cute little old timey jetpacks! Cute, no?

In other completely unrelated news, and really, because I like long  blog posts - this is as great as, if not greater than, the crochet Betty White doll pattern. Even with her sensible brown chinos and blue chambray shirt.

from Sandra Eterovic's blog

Awesome, no? Awesome on so many counts. Because (a) it's true and (b) it is yet another fine example of the awesome versatility of the fibre arts. Even if this particular vest is knitted (did I confess a bias? I really do prefer crochet) I love this more than I love my shoelaces. And really, what have shoelaces done for me recently? I mean, apart from keeping my shoes from falling off my feet, and that is CERTAINLY something a lovely little scrap of yarn could do most adequately. Maguyver style.

some totally awesome things that are really boosting the awesome level of my life from regular to EXTREME

Do you remember those bushfire danger scales? The kind that your parents never seemed to notice, but you would always see, and then register, seconds later, "OMFG THE BUSHFIRE DANGER TODAY IS HIGH AND WE ARE DRIVING IN TO THE BUSH"



from F~R~E~D'S flickr

 I could never figure out who adjusted those things. Was it automatic? Was this some kind of amazing computerised sentient sign, per Short Circuit? You know, "fire sign is aliiive!" ... and would this explain why I keep mistyping 'sign' as 'sigh'?

So, imagine now that this is in fact a scale of AWESOME and the point of reference is things in my life. Well, recent events have contributed to this scale being tipped from HIGH to EXTREME.

Obviously, you're wondering why. It's eating away at you, the niggling, anxious feeling... why is katey's life so awesome? Was it me? Was it something I said or did? Was it the one armed man?

Likely all of the above, but WHAT, WHAT IS IT?!

Firstly, I endured another end-of-year dance concert. This makes me sound like a horrendously bad parent who cares not for her daughters' talents, but this isn't necessarily the case, it's more so that I really couldn't give a flying fuck about the hundreds of other kids there. Selfish? Probably? But factually correct? Bingo. I'm fairly confident I'm not alone here, although there are some who look at my boredom and complete intolerance of this claptrap as being selfish and inconsiderate. And it likely is, but meh. Clearly I'm far too self absorbed to care about that.
Anyway, my daughters were awesome, hilariously awesome. Y had her skirt pulled nerdishly high in one of the dance pieces, and G pulled blue steel the entire concert... and the concert photos. I was trying so hard to contain my laughter, I almost swallowed my tongue.

Besides, it's not her fault she's really really ridiculously good looking  (from here)

So, other awesome things.

Ricky Martin.


I know right?

I've lost my mind!
Who knew?!
Apparently, Katey is a secret closet Ricky Martin fan!

Well, appalling music aside (World Cup Songs not included) Ricky Martin is a single dad of twins who DOESN'T EVEN HIRE A NANNY. According to the world of celebrity, twins are the new singleton, but they're impossible to manage without the aid of an entourage of at LEAST 30 staff working round the clock to make sure you don't ever have to come in to contact with them until they're cute enough to walk and ask for dead parrots for pets (per Angelina Jolie and one of her many child-like accessories) with the exclusion of the occasional paparazzi shoot just to confirm that those children are actually real, and well, unlike their celebrity parents, they're being fed.

So yeah. I'm still no fan of his music, and while I know that having twins via surrogacy is the new black, I still think that this is all quite cool. Not-so-secretly-gay single dad of twins... what's not to love?

linkiepoos

Of course, I often like to lay around in the sand with my shirt off looking all pensive and cool and hot while my kids sit there looking all fat and adorable. It's a twin thing. Yeah.

NOW, third awesome thing that I have identified, is an awesome drawing my cousin drew of me, Capn Katey, and her first mate Lil. Arrrr.



Linkie goodness to site of awesomeness



Awesome, no? My cousin drew it, inspired by my mindless blathering in a previous post about my penchant for carrying my dog around on my shoulder and pretending to be a pirate.

Lily makes a most exemplary shoulder companion. Quite possibly because her other occupations include; a university professor - with tenure (Professor Lilbury), a barman (Barkeep), Lily-the-heinous-bitch (when being pestered by our other small dog, Kip) etc.

Why yes, I am in dire need of a life.

Sometimes I put my dog on my shoulder and walk around like a pirate...

Because I figure if this whole academic pursuit thing doesn't work out, piracy is still a real and viable career move.
Particularly if I can replace my obligatory shoulder parrot with one of my dogs, like re-purposing but with pets and careers, right?

From this blog, which has nothing to do with my chosen career path

So I have been crocheting little granny stars using this glorious pattern  . I adore them - very quick and easy, I did 3 in the car on the way to touch footy last night (I wasn't driving) and then 4 in the car on the way home. Clearly having a beer after running around (or at least, feigning running around) is good for crochet productivity!

It's official

I have found the single most greatest crochet pattern ever to hook its way in to this sad, pathetic world of ours. Well, sad and pathetic without the pattern. Totally awesome with. Obv.

But a little back story first. Because what's awesome things in life without some totally boring building up?

So I've finished my god-awful thesis. The thesis itself wasn't god-awful, I hope, in fact, I hope the assessors read it and decide it's complete and utter genius and award me some kind of super-honours mark. Or something, right? Meh. A first class honours is all I really want. Band one, preferably, but first class, definitely.


So, I am sitting here, at my little laptop killing time and eating awesome sandwiches and stuff. Crocheting mostly, which involves intermittently picking up my nephew's blanket project, doing a little, and then searching Ravelry for other cute projects to begin. Because why would I finish one project when I could start 10 others?

I am also watching Russian news. I can't say precisely why this is, I think I was hoping that I would somehow absorb an awesome understanding of the language just by watching the news in Russian. Which seems completely logical, except that it gets kind of boring quite quickly. It is the news after all. I just like it when they cut back to the news desk and the reporters are saying something about something but the camera is too far away for me to really discern what their shoulder shrugs and funny little head wobbles are all about. That and I'm not quite sure what they're saying. Yet.

So back to Ravelry. I was searching for cute little patterns, and found THE MOST AWESOME CROCHET PATTERN EVER.

It's from this most wondrous blog here where this cool girl knits and crochets and generally procrastinates in ways I can totally relate to. She also finishes projects... which I haven't quite got around to mastering yet.

At any rate, like me, Carrie appears to love golden girls. As one of the world's greatest television shows (alongside growing pains and family ties) I can understand why. What's great about Carrie, is that she's done a totally amazing fusion of love for quality tv and a fibre arts obsession... and made...


(OMG, such suspense!!!)




awesome blog link again

YES!!! A BETTY WHITE DOLL!

And the bestest, BESTEST bit is that it's not Betty White per the current (and deserved) Betty White fandom, but Betty White as Rose, wearing "chinos and a sensible aqua cardigan"... gold!


Here's another linkie to Carrie's amazing blog post, where she links to the pattern, which is available as a Ravelry download. Ah, Ravelry. My spare time was so much less productive without you.

I'm going to make this doll for my mate Steve. Because I want to thank him for being a friend.

'Flirty' top...to match your horse hat, right?

Now, far be it for me to tell people off for wanting to match their pets. Shit, if it is ok for Paris Hilton, it must be ok for the rest of, right?



from this blog

Don't worry little puppy. I don't think she's going to eat you.

So earlier I blogged about a horse hat that made no sense.
Well, it has a purpose now.

It's all about matching, right?

from all free crochet

Awesome.

yes, it's a horse hat

it would appear that I am on an anti-crochet headwear bandwagon today. Particularly if that bandwagon was being towed by HORSES IN HATS.

WHY DOES THE HORSE NEED A HAT?!

WHY?!

It's not as if it's wearing a hilarious costume or anything. It's just a freaking hat.

Odd.

In other news, here is a dog in a pirate hat.



avast ye mateys! this be thar link

 And, if I wasn't mistaken, I'm pretty sure that long john snowy would like you to walk the plank.

If 'snood' is cute baby word for 'pooed' then this picture makes a whole lot more sense

Snood Headband from All Free Crochet

Don't get me wrong, I like fun, kooky crochet patterns. Even fun crochet patterns to wear in your hair (well, not my hair, because it's way too cool and stylish for something that resembles a gigantic turd, but I digress)... what I don't understand is how this, a snood, is somehow synonymous with 'fun' and 'looks great' and not, hmmm... 'fucking ugly' and 'omfg'...

but that's just me. Maybe if it wasn't poo brown I would have a different opinion.


no... wait...

Even in romantic sepia (which, let's face it, makes EVERYTHING look good -- especially those old timey photos from theme parks!) it still looks strange!



picture from here

but that could just be because the woman wearing it is a man, I don't know.


At any rate, I think I'll stick to crocheting granny squares for now.

Possibly the coolest man in the known universe

via This Little Owl which is a cute blog.

How his fellow commuters can just sit idly by and not, you know, show some visible display of how fucking amazing this dude is, is beyond me.

what NOT to crochet...

from this blog

Apparently if you add some tassles or a fringe edging it makes a great gift!


Alternately, you could just wear a regular scarf, or ... a jumper. Even.

A defininte candidate for the Col Dunkley award for innovations that really are a bit...odd.

I really am the most horrendously negligent blogger...

But I have the strange feeling that this has little impact on the rest of the world. What with all that other stuff going on and all... yeah.
So the latest excuse for my negligence?
Meh. Uni. Meh. Crochet. Meh. Rugby. Meh. Life.

As you can see, dear reader (all... I don't know, one of you - hi mum) there is a reoccurring theme here... of complete indifference. Not that I am indifferent to things in general- or completely as it were- but rather, I've had other stuff to do.
Such as another freaking degree, crocheting lots of natty little things, and being a ferry for my family to and from various sporting events that I don't have the time to commit to actually participating in myself (that's some faulty logic there).
And in between all of that, sitting down to wax lyrical about the nothing that's happening in my life is kinda unimportant.

So I've been crocheting instead. Borne from the need to do *something* for my grandmother (who recently underwent palliative chemotherapy for oesophageal cancer) I started crocheting beanies and blanket squares, in an effort to keep my fingers busy and my anxiety at my helplessness somewhat at bay.
My cousin and aunt and I contributed a total of 94 squares to make a blanket with a little block of yarny goodness representing each member of our massively huge family. It's hideous, but beautiful as well. And my cousin even used the square that I sent up that bears a very strong resemblance to unicorn vomit.

from this awesome blog

Like this. Only with more orange.

Probably from the carrots you ate for breakfast.